The Butt of Today's Joke

***As a warning, this post mentions the word "butt" in context.  Decide now if this post is okay for you to read.  In order to avoid raising this post to a PG13-rating,  I'm going to omit the name of a male body part.  I will indicate the place in the conversation where name of said part was removed, however. Also removed from this post is an expletive that starts with the letter "S".  I'm going to write "shoot" instead. I have left the word "hell" right where it belongs, however.***

A distraught-looking older man approached the consultation window to ask the pharmacist's opinion on what he should do to take care of a particular problem he was having.  Here's the conversation:
Man: I'm...shoot...I'm having a problem when I go to the bathroom.
Me: What's the problem?
Man: Shoot...I can't...I can't go
Me: You can't urinate?
Man: Shoot...aw shoot...I can't go I'm tellin' ya
Me: You mean you're trying to have a bowel movement
Man: Shoot, no
Me: So you're trying to urinate
Man: Shoot, no. There's spots in there and I can't go.  I been in the bathroom 12 times today and nothin' comes out, and it hurts like hell.
Me: So this is when you're trying to have a bowel movement?
Man: Not necessarily.  Shoot!
Me: So it hurts when you're trying to urinate? When you're trying to pee?
Man:  Hell no! Shoot...I'm tellin' ya I've been trying to go all day and it just...nothin' comes out...
Me: So you're constipated?
Man: Shoot!
Me: Where does it hurt?
Man: When I go in the bathroom and I try to go nothin' comes and there's spots and hell, I been in there 12 times today!
Me:  Is this when you're trying to pee?!?!?
Man: SHOOT!!! NOOOOO!!! It hurts!!!!!
Me: Where does it hurt?
Man: When I go to the bathroom?
Me: Which body part?
Man: SHOOT!!!!
Me: Which body part?
Man: It just hurts when I try to go.
Me: Does it hurt in your [insert name of male body part here]?
Man: Shoot, no, it hurts in my BUTT!!!

This post is #47 why I could never be a medical doctor.  I was entertained, but SHOOT!

Even MORE Fun With Office Staff

As I've stated before, sometimes I go long periods without posting on my blog because there's just too much to write about.  Today, I'm going to write about things that are fresh on my mind.  They aren't the most exciting stories, but they'll have to suffice. I worked at an out-of-town pharmacy this week, and the following stories relate to my time there.

#1: Do you know what the drug Coumadin is? It's sometimes referred to as "rat poison", mostly because...it is rat poison.  It is an anticoagulant, so whoever/whatever ingests it gets their/its blood "thinned".  Humans who are placed upon this medication are closely monitored, because if a person takes too much, they may bleed to death.  If a person at risk for blood clots takes too little, the reverse is true, and the person could die from complications related to that.  Anyway, this story is getting long, so I'll move on.  I just wanted to stress that this medication is serious stuff. 

A doctor's office sent over a prescription for Coumadin 4mg tablets, take 2 tablets twice daily for one month with 5 refills.  That's 16 milligrams daily, okay?  Now, Coumadin tablets range from 1mg to 10mg each.  It's rare that someone needs to even take 10mg for more than a week, or even a few days.  Also, the medication is only supposed to be taken once daily. I was concerned about the high dose, so I called the doctor's office.  I spoke with a nurse who told me that the prescription was indeed wrong, and that the patient was to take 2mg daily.  I verified, "So you said 2mg once a day?"  She responded, "Yes, 2mg twice daily."  I clarified, "Oh, you want her to be on 2mg twice daily?" She responded again, "Yes, 4mg once daily."  I don't consume alcohol, so I couldn't figure out what was happening.  I clarified once more, and she stated that 2mg twice daily was the correct dose.  I said, "Why don't we just say 4mg daily then?" She seemed fine with that and I hung up.  Moments later, we received another fax for 4mg, to be taken twice daily.  If you'd like to know the outcome of this patient and you need Coumadin therapy for any reason, like an upcoming surgery, be sure to consult me so I can give you this doctor's phone number.  Don't knock it 'til you try it. 

#2: Someone (a nurse or receptionist) from a doctor's office called and got upset because she stated, "It's ridiculous that all your pharmacies have the same phone number."  I questioned her to find out exactly what she meant.  There are thousands of pharmacies owned by this particular chain where I was working, and I explained that to her.  She then stated again that it was confusing to customers and doctor offices to have the same phone number for them all.  You can't argue with stupidity, so I told her we'd work on that and wished her a lovely day.