'Tis The Season For Excuses

These are the top 5 (most common) excuses people use when requesting a super early refill on their controlled substance medication:

1. I was in a hurry/I was in the dark because I didn't want to turn the light on and disrupt my family/The lid was stuck/I was in a hurry and accidentally dumped all (or most) of my medication down the toilet/sink.
*Why were you opening your bottle of #90 Oxycontin over the toilet/sink? If you want to get an early refill on your meds, be more original and use a different excuse if you want the pharmacist to believe you even 5%.

2. My purse/backpack was stolen, and it had ALL my medication in it.
*So if your purse/backpack was stolen, and it contained $300 in medication, shouldn't you fill out a police report? Ten times out of ten, people with this excuse haven't been able to produce a police report as evidence that their medication was stolen.

3. I've been just so upset this month and so overstressed. I might have been taking an extra tablet here and there.
*At least the people are being a little bit honest with me when they use this excuse. Most people who use this excuse, however, have been just so upset "this month" every month for the past 12+ months.

4. You (the pharmacy) shorted me last month, so I ran out of my medication early.
*There may be some pharmacies out there that guesstimate on the number of tablets they give you; however, we triple count all of our controlled substances. I must admit, there have been one or two cases where we did short somebody, but we have the ability to check on-hand records to determine the validity of your claim.

5. I know the doctor prescribed 4 tablets a day, but he told me I was supposed to take 8 tablets a day instead. He just forgot to write it on there.
*Riiiight.

EpiPen Lesson

This happened a while ago, but I remembered it again just today. A woman phoned the pharmacy and sounded fairly upset/stressed/panicked. She said she had just triggered an allergic reaction and was attempting to use her EpiPen for the first time. She explained that her lips were swelling and she was having difficulty breathing. I told her to, as quickly as possible, remove the pen from the plastic case, grip it firmly with her hand, remove the gray safety cap, and then "jam it" into her thigh. She specifically asked me which end she was to aim toward her thigh, and I said the "black tip end". I told her to put down the phone and follow those instructions right away. I heard, "Oh no. Oh no. Oh no." on the other end of the line, and I was worried she hadn't made it in time and was thinking maybe I should have asked her name so I could send the ambulance to her house. Well, she picked up the phone and said, while crying hysterically, "Oh no! I injected my thumb. Oh, oh, oh, oh...." I can't remember what I said in response to that, but I'm sure I was thinking, "You idiot." (She had the wrong end aiming into her thigh, and when she pressed hard to inject herself, the needle came out the side with her thumb over it.) Anyway, she said her thumb was swelling and that it hurt terribly. I asked her how her breathing was, and she immediately stopped sobbing and said, "Hey, I can breathe now. Oh, I can breathe!" Then she started crying again, "But my thumb! My thumb!!! What's gonna happen!?!?!" I gave her some advice on something she could do to help the swelling, and we both learned that day that an EpiPen still works, even if you inject your thumb. It's probably the more painful way to go, however.