Not Drug Related, But Still A Story

In the last store I worked at a couple of years ago, something strange began to happen. Shopping carts started to disappear one by one. At first the store figured it was due to an increase in the transient population in the area, but suddenly it seemed hundreds of carts were missing. In fact, one day it was noted that there were only 19 or 20 shopping carts available in the entire store! What happened? Let's see if you are a good detective. A Latin market opened up down the street that same month, and they had quite an impressive supply of freshly painted shopping carts, similar in size to the ones that we used to have at our store. Hmmm. I'll bet you that market didn't plan on the FBI showing up, or else they wouldn't have carried out their "clever" little plan.

This guy will make your husband look like THE BEST EVER!

I didn't help this fellow, but I heard him. I heard him all too well. He walked up to the window to drop off a prescription for his wife. It is standard procedure to ask for the date of birth of the person for whom the prescription is written, so my technician asked, "What is her date of birth?" Irritated, he replied, "I don't remember. How would I know something like that!?" My technician asked, "Well, can you remember what month? Can you guess a general range of dates? We just need the birthday to verify the patient." Even more irritated, he shouted, "I don't know! You figure it out!"

We have a lot of husbands come in who have a hard time remembering their wife's birhday, but they try. Oh how they try! It's one thing if your husband forgets your birthday. It's another thing entirely when he refuses to remember/know it and acknowledge the importance of it. So today, let's give our husbands a break, unless your husband is this guy. Then you have my permission to kick him in the shins.

If You Steal, Run Away

A man picked up and paid for 3 prescriptions for his wife, and before he left he decided to stop off in the men's restroom, leaving his cart (with the medications) just outside. A young whipper-snapper saw an opportunity to steal some medications, so he covered them with a piece of paper he had in his hand, looked all around, and scooped up the medications with the paper on top. He went out to his vehicle, rifled through the bags, decided there was nothing of interest, and brought the medications back into the service desk. After this, he continued to shop in the store. Well, our store has cameras. How about that? The police came, identified him, and took him away! Then the police officer came to the pharmacy for some information. A cashier said to me, "Hey, 'the law' is here to talk to you." I thought she was joking, because as I looked out, I saw the head of a 12-year-old wearing a baseball cap that said "police". As I came around the corner, I was tempted to say, "Hey, great costume." I realized he was an actual police officer for our little town, so I helped him out with his request to get a cost on the medications that were taken. I also made sure no tablets had been removed from the bottles. I noticed one of the medications was diazepam, generic for Valium. Usually when a doctor prescribes a brand name, it'll say the generic name on the label, and then underneath it'll say it's a generic for whatever brand was prescribed. In the case of the Valium, the brand wasn't prescribed. Just diazepam was written, so the poor thief didn't realize he had 100 generic Valium tablets in his possession for a brief time. HA! He brought them back. HA HA! Bail set at $600. HA HA HA!

So, the value of stolen medications: 50 dollars
Value of stolen medications if sold on the street: hundreds of dollars
Paying 600 dollars bail because you forgot to run away: priceless.

More Of The Same

I'm deciding to share an example of something that happens to me pretty much every day. A customer tells me something is true, I tell them it isn't true, they tell me it is, I tell them it's not....etc. It's sometimes the other way around. Anyway, a woman came to pick up a prescription for a friend, and it wasn't ready because no prescription was even dropped off. She left, and about 20 minutes later I got a phonecall from the patient. She was very upset that her prescription for Mobic (which she pronounced "mo-beek") had not been filled, since it had been dropped off by a male friend earlier that day. Sometimes (1 in 5,000) we lose a prescription that's dropped off. I told her I'd look through the pile of prescriptions from the day and that I'd check with my staff to see if it had been misplaced. I asked her about what time her friend dropped it off, and she said, "Oh, it was around 2:00 or 3:00." That gave me an idea of where in the stack to search; however, I found nothing. I took her off hold and told her that we definitely did not have a prescription. She said, "That's not true. It was dropped off, but actually it was around 4:00 or 5:00." I searched again, but still came up with the same result. I informed her of this, and she said, "That's just ridiculous. It was dropped off! I know it was, because I specifically called around 3:00 to ask if it was ready and if it was a narcotic." I said, "Wait, I thought it was dropped of at 4:00 or 5:00." She said, "Well it was." I was confused. Anyway, I told her I could page the doctor to see if he'd call it in for her after hours, since I absolutely couldn't fill it based on her word. She called about 5 minutes later and chewed out a technician, saying, "This is crap. I switched to you guys from another pharmacy because they always screwed up my stuff. I'm gonna tell everyone you lost my prescription." Then she asked to talk to the manager (which was me), so I picked up the phone to tell her again that we had nothing for her. I asked if her friend remembered the person who helped him at the drop-off window. He couldn't remember. So, I said, "Was it a short woman with long black hair and glasses?" She asked him and he suddenly remembered that's who it was that had helped him. That's interesting, since we don't employ anyone that looks like that. I told her once more that we'd just have to wait and see if the doctor was going to be nice enough to phone in a prescription. Well, the doctor did call, we got the prescription ready, and the patient herself came in to pick it up. Now, it took a lot of guts for her to tell me what she told me upon her arrival to the pharmacy. She held up a prescription for Mobic and said, "This was in my truck the whole time. I'm so sorry." Yeah you're sorry.

Get A Clue

I spoke with a young woman on the phone the other day about switching her medication to a cheaper alternative, and I told her it might be beneficial if she took a "$4 Generic List" to her next doctor appointment. I explained that she could come in and pick up a list from the pharmacy or get on the internet and visit walmart.com, click on the pharmacy link, and print a list from home. She said she'd prefer the latter option, so she asked, "What's that website again?" I said, "Walmart.com." She replied, "Ormart.com? Is that o-r-m..." Yeah, ormart.com moron.

I Don't Know

A woman called and asked to speak with a pharmacist (me) about a medication that was ready for her to come pick up. She said, "Before I come get that, I want to make sure I'm not allergic to it. I'm thinking I might be (allergic)." I told her it was always a good idea to verify allergies. She didn't know what the doctor had phoned in for her, so I told her the name of the medication and asked her if she had taken it before. She hadn't. She then restated that she was pretty sure she was allergic to it, however. I asked if she was allergic to a variety of medications or other allergens generally, and she said, "No, I've only had an allergic reaction to one thing...or...one medication." I figured I'd ask her what that one medication was and then use my pharmaceutical knowledge to determine if the currently prescribed medication was in any way related to the ONE thing she was allergic to. So I asked the obvious question, "What one medication are you allergic to then?" She replied, "I don't know." Hmmm. I asked further, "Was it an antibiotic? Was it a pain medication? What type of reaction did you have to it? Can you remember what it was for?" To all questions, she again replied, "I don't know." I finally said, "Well, it sounds like you'd probably be allergic to this (prescription) then." She thanked me for my wonderful help and told me she'd be phoning her doctor right away to ask him for something else. Sweet. Maybe I'll get to go through this again with her tomorrow.

I Want To Leave Town TODAY!

Here's the conversation that went on between some dude and me at the pharmacy today. It's one of those "you had to be there for it to be funny" things, but I'll post anyway. So picture a guy in his early to mid 50s who's halfway bald with a grumpy expression on his face. Also, he's dressed like a 14-year-old (and you know what I mean), and I suddenly notice him standing at my register, alone, so I call out to him:

Me: Hi! Are you being helped?
Dude: (He shrugs his shoulders) I don't know, I've been coming here for 3 years and you lost me.
Me: Oh, just a moment, someone will be right with you.
(Then one of my technicians over at a computer tells me he's in the middle of helping this guy, and he's looking on the computer because he can't find anything ready for him.)
Me: Oh, he's helping you. Did you call in a prescription refill or drop a new one off at the window.
Dude: You called me, I don't know.
Me: When did we call you?
Dude: Last week sometime.
Me: I see. It looks like we filled a prescription for you 2 weeks ago, and we called you after it had been on our shelf for 7 days to remind you it was ready to be picked up. If you don't come in to get it after 10 days though, we put it back on the shelf.
Dude: Well you called me.
Me: I realize that. Would you like me to fill those medications again today?
Dude: (He looks off to his side into the distance) I WANNA LEAVE TOWN TODAY!!!
Me: Okay, I'm not asking about you leaving town, I just want to know if you want us to refill this medication so you can pick it up now. Just give me 15 minutes.
Dude: How long do I have to wait!!!
Me: (I wanted to tell him it would be several hours, but instead I just repeated what I said 5 seconds earlier). I'll have it in about 15 minutes.
Dude: You're always a problem.

Then, he walked away.

My Two Moms (And I Hope Yours Dies)

This story begins one bright, spring morning, when a leathery, scantily-clad woman (in her 40's) was sent over to me by one of my technicians. We'll call her "Bobbi Jo". She began, "Hi, I was wondering if I could get my Xanax filled. That girl over there said it was too early, but I'm all out and need it filled today." She had picked up a 30-day-supply of her Xanax about 11 days earlier, so I inquired why she needed this very early refill. Bobbi Jo said, "Well, I'm just having a hard day...a hard week really...my mom died and I can't sleep and I lost my job and I just maybe took an extra tablet here and there to just get a few hours of sleep." I explained to her that she needed to let her doctor know and that if her doctor approved a change in directions for the medication then we could fill it for her. She responded, "Well yeah, my doctor knows actually. He said I could take an extra one at night if I can't sleep." I replied, "An extra ONE at night? Hmmm, then you should still have some left." She quickly stated, "No, well, the doctor said I could take one or two extra. It's just that my mom died last week and I can't sleep and I'm really stressed." I explained once more that we needed a prescription from her doctor stating that she could take one to three tablets per night. She challenged, "If you don't believe me, call my doctor." So, I called her doctor. I told the nurse on the other end, "This patient said the doctor told her she could take an extra one or two tablets per night as needed for sleep, so we just need a new prescription from the doctor allowing for that." Almost before I could get that sentence out, Bobbi Jo started screaming at me, "LIAR!!! LIAR!!! I didn't say the doctor told me that. You shut up!" I quickly ended the conversation with the nurse who told me she would check with the doctor on that and call me back. I was confused, so I requested clarification from Bobbi Jo. Perhaps I hadn't heard her correctly, so I decided to REALLY listen to her corrected explanation. She said, "Look, I told you he didn't specifically say one or two extra, but he said I could take what I needed on the harder days because of my mom's death and everything." Oh, I was way off! So, I again gave her the good news that she should still have some Xanax left at home somewhere, I apologized profusely for misquoting her to the nurse, and I said I could call the doctor back and give them this "new" information. Bobbi Jo didn't like that idea either. She said, "Don't you call him again. You're a mean, mean person." Okay. "You have no right to call my doctor like that! What I talk about with my doctor is my own business." The conversation went on a little further, but I'm trying to keep this short, so I'll just skip to the end of this encounter when she yelled at me, "You're a mean, hateful person. I don't know why you can't just refill this so I can sleep. My mom died! I hope YOUR mom dies!" Then she stormed off.

Over two months later, Bobbi Jo returned to request a refill on her Lortab. That prescription was also too early to fill. I walked over to where my technician was helping her, and I figured that as soon as she saw me, she would give up the attempt. I was mistaken. I guess I just have one of those forgettable faces, because she turned to me with her sad, sunken little face and said, "Hi, I really need to get this refilled. I don't think it's too early, but I need it so much just for this week. My mom died this week (insert fake crying here), and I just am having so much back pain and I can't sleep and I'm crying all the time." How sad! She had two mothers, and both are now dead. So, I gave her the early refill...NOT!!!

Almost Stumped...Almost

I spoke to a girl at the consultation window today about her birth control. She started the conversation by saying, "Hi, I'm taking a birth control pill called Tri-Sprintec." Then she scrunched up her little nose and asked, "Do you know what that is?" I wanted to answer, "Tri-WHAT?!?! I've never heard of it. Sorry." Instead, I helped her with her birth control related problem in a sass-less manner.

Friday Night Purchases

This isn't really an interesting story or anything. It's merely an observation posting. I had the opportunity to run the register for a few minutes tonight right before closing, and I thought my last three customers' purchases were sorta funny. The first guy bought adult diapers and condoms. The second guy purchased a dozen roses, a single cold beer, and a whole case of beer. The last guy bought a bouquet of wilting sunflowers with a big 50% off discount sticker on it (which I hope he removes before presentation) and cheap perfume. Also, this last customer smelled strongly of cologne and got 100 bucks cash back. This all just gave me a little chuckle to end my day at the pharm.

Meat Me

A large, jiggly man rolled up on a motorized cart to the pharmacist consultation window and desperately wanted to know a few things about his gout flare-up. He asked me what he could do to relieve the pain, if he had any prescription refills for his gout medications, and what he could do to reduce the number of flare-ups. I covered a lot of information with the fellow, including the role meat plays in the epidemiology of gout. An hour or two later, lunchtime arrived. I decided to eat at McDonald's (which I do very rarely). Who was in the line ordering right in front of me? It was my dear gouty friend. I couldn't help but overhear what he was ordering --- a Big Mac with EXTRA MEAT! Then he hollered over to his seated female companion to ask her if she wanted extra meat too. Wow, I never thought about adding extra meat to one of those. It's a good thing he ordered before me so I could get some creative ideas about what I could order. Also, it was good to learn that the 10 precious minutes I spent helping this man with his critical situation was worth so much to him.

Your Complaint Deserves a Complaint

My boss recEIved a customer complaint about our pharmacy shortly before I went on leave. I thought it was somewhat humorous, so I'll share it with you. I've typed it word for word, letter for letter. I left out three words, however, and replaced them with "*****". Here it is:

I went the walmart pharmacy in ***** ***** located on ***** to get a perscription that had a free trial I was suppose to recieve thirty pills in that bottle I recieved ten. The free trial was good for only one time. I tried to get some help from that pharmacy why this was the case and they couldn't and wouldn't take the time to help. For a place that prides themselves in giving you the best deals and saving you the most money on perscriptions. They have costed me over three hundred dollars. And from the sounds of it other people have had issues as well when I have talk about that walmart they tell me they never shop there from the lack of help they recieve. I know you are busy, but would appreciate the oppurtunity to further discuss this matter and hopfully come to some kind of resolve. Thank you for your time.

Ok, so that was it. Besides the grammatical and spelling errors, this post is funny because she's complaining about something that's not true. Big surprise, eh? The free trial was for a 30-day-supply, and ten tablets constituted a 30-day-supply in this case. If two pharmacy technicians and the pharmacy manager trying to explain this to you and get you the most free tablets you're entitled to qualify as "couldn't and wouldn't take the time to help", then I guess we never take the time to help. Also, this was the first time she had ever come to our pharmacy, and I saw that she had never filled at a Walmart pharmacy anywhere, so the "they have costed me over three hundred dollars" complaint doesn't make sense, unless she purchased groceries that day that "costed" her that much. These are the people that get me excited to return to work.

I can't fill this Rx, but how about I get your wife fired instead?

As you can see, it's been a while since I've posted anything. Many of you know why I've been busy, but I've decided to post a little story that happened a year or two ago. This is a long post, so get comfy.

A Hispanic man (a regular at our pharmacy) handed me a prescription for some atenolol, which is a blood pressure medication. I noticed that in the teeny tiny space between the line with the man's name and the word "atenolol", there was something scribbled, in different handwriting than the rest of the atenolol prescription, that read "Oxycontin 80mg, #100". Hmmm. I looked at this prescription, then up at the silly man, then back at the prescription. I was sort of in shock, because usually when I receive a fake prescription, the perpetrator makes a much better attempt to pass off something like this as legitimate. For example, they usually try to write the fraudulent medication in the same color pen and in the same style of handwriting as the rest of the prescription. This man did not. They usually try to fit the name of the fake medication into an area of the prescription paper where there's a reasonable amount of room. This man did not. They usually do a little research and attempt to write a complete prescription with directions for a USUAL dose of the medication. This man did not. They don't try to write themselves a prescription for a C-II on the same paper as another medication (which was against federal law at the time). This man did.

Normally in a fake prescription situation, I tell the patient that I need to contact the doctor to verify something about the prescription before I can fill it or give it back to them. Then they normally say that it's no big deal and that they'd like to have the prescription back and they'll just come back later. I normally don't end up giving it back. This was not a normal situation, however, so when the man kindly requested that I give him back the prescription because he didn't have time to wait, I gave it back to him. Why? I just couldn't bring myself to turn in such a stupid person to his doctor and/or the authorities. It was obvious he wasn't the mastermind of some prescription drug fraud ring. I knew he wouldn't be able to get it filled somewhere else either. Also, the urgency in his voice in his eyes told me that he knew that I knew he had done something fairly stupid. I thought he learned his lesson, and I sent him on his way.

A few days later I received a phonecall from a doctor's office. The young woman on the other end was calling in a prescription for a person whose name was very familiar to me. Who do you think it was for? She called in Lortab in a fairly large quantity, but the directions seemed fine and I'd talked to this girl at this particular office before. I wasn't alarmed, but let's review what I'd normally do in this situation. I would call the doctor's office back to verify the prescription, since it was for a controlled substance. In this case, I did just that. I asked for the girl that had called the prescription in. She was at lunch and had been for a while. Isn't that the kind of employee you'd want? She was working hard through her lunch break. Anyway, the nurse I talked to asked if she could take a message. I said I needed to verify a prescription. She wasn't able validate the information right then, but she took down the information and said she'd call me back when she could. I received a call from the doctor himself about five minutes later. He sounded upset. He wanted me to explain to him what had happened. I could give you the details of our long conversation, but I'll just tell you the condensed version (now that I've already typed this novel). The man that had written his own Oxycontin prescription and had this Lortab called in for him was the husband of the girl who had called in the prescription. The girl had asked the doctor if he would authorize her to call in a refill for her husband's atenolol, and he reluctantly gave his permission. After she spoke with the doctor, she had a memory lapse on the way to the phone and had called in Lortab. Anyway, the doctor kept saying to me, "How could she do this? This is the one thing I stress in my office --- honesty! I tell everyone the day they're hired how important honesty is. Why would she do this to me?"

A week or so later the Oxycontin/Lortab man came into the pharmacy with a prescription for some Paxil (an anti-depressant). He explained that things had been hard lately since his wife lost her job. Interesting. I didn't tell him that I had helped with that.