Another Jumper

As stated previously, all the best stuff at the pharmacy happens while I'm chillin' at home. Last week, a man was found on the roof of a large store in which the pharmacy resides. He was creating quite a scene while threatening to jump. Mentioned in his rant was the pharmacy and how it was ruining his life. He spoke of his hatred for the pharmacy and the "idiots" who work within its walls. The funny part? I don't believe he's ever filled prescriptions or had any dealings with the pharmacy located inside the store. Pharmacies have a reputation for ruining lives, so whichever pharmacy he was referring to just needs to knock it off, and we're glad the dude didn't get knocked off...the roof. (He was brought down to ground level without too much incident.)

Paranoid

This happened several months ago, but when I was cleaning out some files at home, I came across a little paper with some details of a phone conversation I had with a patient. 

A woman called to inform that she was being poisoned. I asked her why she felt this way. She explained that a medication she had been taking for years was suddenly causing her to feel weak and distressed. She couldn't really explain the exact symptoms she was having, but she adamantly insisted that she felt something was definitely wrong the day after she picked up the latest refill of her medication three days earlier. As she was talking, it became clear to me that she was sure the source of the "poison" was her prescription medication. She asked me who supplied our drugs and if there was any way that supplier knew that she was getting medications at our pharmacy. I wish I had a picture to show you the expression I had on my face at that moment. I did my best to assure her that the pharmacy's wholesaler was not involved in some kind of conspiracy to poison her. Then she wanted to know who the manufacturer of the medication was and if THEY knew she filled prescriptions at our pharmacy. I asked her why she thought someone would want to poison her. She responded, "I have no idea! That's what I'm trying to figure out, and that's why I called you!" Wow. After I convinced her that the manufacturer had no interest in poisoning random patients and that others who were taking the same tablets had reported no difficulty, she asked me if I knew whether or not the manufacturer had recently changed the "recipe" of the pills. The expression on my face became even more picture-worthy. She pleaded with me to call the manufacturer to ask them what they put in that particular lot of medication. I assured her I would call right away. (Yeah, right.) She made me promise that when I called them, however, that I not give them her name, because if they were trying to poison her, they'd know that she was on to them. I promised her complete discretion. I never called her back, and she never called me again. It would seem she really was being poisoned. Hmmm....

Flu Shot PSA

Flu shots. Are. The. Bane. Of. My. Existence. I'm not here to debate efficacy and safety of the yearly flu shot, although, I would recommend that you NOT get one IF you come to one of my pharmacies WHILE I'm working. Did I mention before how I don't enjoy administering flu shots? If you HAVE to get one, however, here are some tips/facts to consider before you request a flu shot from your friendly (so that wouldn't be me) neighborhood pharmacist:

1. Wear short sleeves. If I have to explain this to you, then you're probably one of the morons treasured patients who wears a long-sleeve turtleneck sweater when requesting a flu shot.

2. Don't ask the pharmacist if they've given a shot before or if they know what they're doing. You'll get a half smile. Perhaps you'll get a full smile. Maybe you'll get a maniacal laugh. Don't ask the question(s) unless you're prepared for the answer(s).

3. Take your kid(s) to the pediatrician for their flu shot. If you'd really like me to, I could stick a needle in your kid. I've been trained; I'm certified. I know you don't want to pay for an office visit, but as much as pharmacists don't like poking even the most obnoxious adult, we really REALLY don't like poking your child. Also, in the rare event that an adverse reaction occurs, do you really want me to be in charge of helping/saving your precious angel?

4. Relax your arm. If I tell you to relax your arm, I don't want you to make a ball with your fist. I'm not shooting heroin into a vein, although that may be the type of needle encounter some might be used to. I promise it hurts less if you just let go. Deep thoughts...from your pharmacist, I know...

5. Don't jump. Jumpers are what my nightmares are made of. Make a conscious decision ahead of time, and repeat to yourself, "I will not thrash about wildly while a 1 inch needle is plunged into my shoulder."

6. Just have fun. By this I mean stay home and do something fun. Refer back to the intro of this post.

Thank you for taking the time to read this public service announcement.

Questions

I'm often asked, "What's the weirdest question you've been asked at the pharmacy?" It's hard to pick a winner. This site is filled with examples of strange questions, so I'll let you be the judge. I will, however, share the following question that has not made it into a blog post:

What's the lethal dose of morphine for a bird?

Too Elaborate

This twisted tale takes place in a small town. It also involves Plan B (a.k.a. the morning-after pill.) A patient called and asked if she could purchase some. It sounds easy enough. Usually, a person walks in, asks the pharmacy clerk for the item, pays for it and then leaves. That plan was far too simple for this experienced woman. Here are the step-by-step instructions she wanted us to follow to complete the transaction:

1. Find an innocent item, or items, in the pharmacy which would equal the cost of the Plan B.
2. Scan the item(s) and return it/them to the pharmacy shelf.
3. Produce a receipt showing cash payment of the item(s), though no payment would be received until a later hour.
4. If possible, gift wrap the box of Plan B and place it into a bag within a bag with the receipt for items from step 1 attached to the outer bag.
5. Take exact cash from one of her minions at a later undisclosed hour. The amount will equal the item(s) from step 1.
6. Instruct the minion to take the package to a 3rd party...or 4th party, I think.
7. Instruct the minion to instruct the receiver of the package to place the package on the back seat, driver side, of his/her vehicle at 5:30 PM and to leave the vehicle unlocked until 5:45 PM.

This lady gets a prize for ingenuity, but she receives a demerit for dishonesty and lack of common sense. She didn't plan on one thing, however. The pharmacist knows her quite well, and if I wanted to ruin all her hard work, I'd approach her with the advice to just try using good old-fashioned birth control methods.

A Day Off

It seems like lately all the best pharmacy stories happen while I'm at home. I'm especially sad I missed out on this one. Recently, a man pulled up in the drive-thru of one of my pharmacies and handed over a bunch of empty prescription vials for medications he needed refilled. One technician took special care to make sure the bottles were empty before disposing of them. As she unlidded (my made-up word for the day) one of the vials, she noticed a plant-like substance stuffed inside. Upon further inspection, she found that plant to be --- marijuana. Oops! So, here's some advice for my readers. Don't stash your weed in a vial in your legal drug pile.

A Rare Occurrence

Happy American Pharmacist Month! It's been so amazingly amazing thus far that I've been left speechless...3 times!

#1 Cause of Speechlessness: I was seated at a table near the entrance of one of my pharmacies during a health fair. My job was to encourage people to take advantage of the free health screenings, healthy snacks and immunizations. A middle-aged woman dressed in scrubs approached me. I welcomed her quite warmly and said, "I'll bet you've had your flu shot." She fired back, "NO way! I refuse REFUSE to put that poison into my body. I stopped getting flu shots years ago, and if you think for one second you're fooling me, you are dead wrong. They do nothing, and they're good for nothing. I'll bet you didn't know those shots have mercury, and mercury builds up in your body over time and shuts down your heart. It poisons your mind. It poisons your whole body. And that stuff you have there that you're putting into people is to cure last year's flu, and they can't cure viruses. If they could, they'd be able to cure cancer, because cancer is a virus. So GOODbye and NO THANK YOU!" Um, wow. A strange grin remained frozen on my face for that entire thing, and my head did a sort of bob.

#2 Cause of Speechlessness: I decided to help out at the register during a particularly busy moment. A woman gave me her name and birth date, thus allowing me to access information on the computer regarding a prescription she was wishing to pick up. The prescription in question was for colonoscopy bowel prep. It's horrible stuff --- or so I've heard. One day, I realize, I will have the pleasure of partaking of that nasty drink, but until then, I feel it's my duty to lift the broken-hearted and downtrodden souls who must swallow it. So, I said to this woman, with my eyebrows partially raised, "Oh, I see you're here to add a little fun to your week." She responded, most seriously, "It's not fun. Why would you say that!?" Okay, she missed the sarcasm. That's understandable. I continued, "Indeed, it is not fun." She immediately cut in, "Then why did you say it was fun? You are being VERY unprofessional!" That's where the speechlessness began to set in. I tried a different approach. "Okay, well, uh...I...uh...I'm sure you'll be glad when it's all over." Then, she said, "I can't believe how unprofessional you are. Really? Wow. Just very unprofessional." All I could muster at that point was an "Oh." I completed the transaction and gave her helpful instructions regarding flavoring options, reconstitution, and instructions. Then, she flew away. I mean, she walked away. I've never been called "unprofessional." Have I ever been unprofessional? Sure, like 687 times; however, I get called out THIS time?

#3 Cause of Speechlessness: Some dude wanted a flu shot today. As a side note, I HATE giving shots. Though October is American Pharmacist Month, it should be renamed, "Let's Create a Living Hell for the American Pharmacist Month" because of how many people want flu shots during the month. Anyway, I slipped into my fancy blue nitrile non-latex gloves and prepared the shot. Right at that moment, a technician asked me to hand her some blank immunization questionnaires we had in a stack. I then called the patient into the shot room. He sat his grumpy self down and asked, "Okay, one thing I wanna know is, are ya gonna change your gloves?" He could tell I looked puzzled by his request and continued, "I saw you walking back and forth and putting your hands all over all that stuff." Huh? I responded, "I didn't touch anything that I can remember." He shot back, "Oh don't lie to me. I watched you walk out of that room all over and touching all that stuff." I asked, "You mean you watched me step out for a second and hand papers to someone?" He yelled, "Yes! You touched those papers, and then those people, I have no idea who they are, were touching them too." Ah, he and I agreed that I had touched some papers and had only moved a step or two. I pointed to the stack of questionnaires and said, "Oh, those papers just came from that pile." He said, "No, they didn't. I don't know where those papers have been!" I mean, it is true that people lick various pieces of paper from the pile, and on occasion, we line the floor of the restroom with them before they end up in that pile, but how did he know that? He continued, "So are you gonna change those gloves or not!?" I hadn't been scolded like that since...well...I can't really remember, so it left me...speechless. I inaudibly mumbled, "These gloves are more to protect me from the patient, but I guess I'll waste a pair of gloves." Then, for the first time in 3 years, I didn't hate giving a shot.

If you're over 65, don't read this.

Senior citizens basically fund my paycheck; however, they also fund my frustration. I'll provide an example. Yesterday, one of these 65+ ladies called to refill some prescriptions. I answered the phone and decided to help her with the refills because all of the technicians were busy, and I'm a pharmacist of the people. Sometimes I'm too good for you. Other times I step away from my throne and scepter to offer help. Anyway, out of habit, I asked if she had her prescription numbers handy. She replied, "Well now, I don't know if I can see these darn things." I quickly told her that I didn't really need the numbers and that I could refill her prescriptions anyway. It was too late. She had put down the phone to find her glasses. In the meantime, I could hear her cussing about not being able to locate those glasses. Then she came back on and told me it would be a moment before she would be able to read the numbers. I tried to tell her once more that I didn't need them. Too late again. She had put down the phone to continue to cuss while looking for her glasses. Then, she found her glasses. What happened next? She began to push the digits of her prescription numbers on the phone keypad. I tried to stop her, but she just kept pushing those numbers. I heard her say, "I think I got 'em." Then, she hung up.

He's 2!

If you're a parent, you may have had the experience of a complete stranger taking up the task of correcting your child. If you're like me, you just kinda grin and treat that stranger like they are the most amazingly perfect person on the planet, and that, without them, your child would have become a menace to society. Something a little different happened at the pharmacy yesterday. A darling 2-year-old was coughing a little while his cute, quiet mother was standing in line to pick up prescription. The lady in front of her in line, who had just finished being rung up, turned to the mother and said, "Does he know how to cover his mouth?" As that woman stormed off, the mother yelled to her, "He has allergies and asthma, you freaking moron! He's 2, you stupid idiot! What the *&% #*#? You moron! Yeah, walk away. Keep walking. Of course he isn't going to cover his mouth, he's freaking 2! YOU suck, you freaking idiot. He's 2!" That was something I wanted to back away from, but I felt her piercing eyes upon me right after that incident. A nervous shoulder shrug is all I could offer. I know, I usually have something to say. While I can see the dual perspective, it's interesting to imagine those two women stuck on an elevator together. Karma would have me stuck on that elevator with them, I'm sure, so let's just stop there.  

Question of the Week

"Can I use Abreva for my genital herpes outbreak?" --- Some dude who has had herpes since the 80s and came equipped with a plethora of dumb and/or disgusting questions