My Two Moms (And I Hope Yours Dies)

This story begins one bright, spring morning, when a leathery, scantily-clad woman (in her 40's) was sent over to me by one of my technicians. We'll call her "Bobbi Jo". She began, "Hi, I was wondering if I could get my Xanax filled. That girl over there said it was too early, but I'm all out and need it filled today." She had picked up a 30-day-supply of her Xanax about 11 days earlier, so I inquired why she needed this very early refill. Bobbi Jo said, "Well, I'm just having a hard day...a hard week really...my mom died and I can't sleep and I lost my job and I just maybe took an extra tablet here and there to just get a few hours of sleep." I explained to her that she needed to let her doctor know and that if her doctor approved a change in directions for the medication then we could fill it for her. She responded, "Well yeah, my doctor knows actually. He said I could take an extra one at night if I can't sleep." I replied, "An extra ONE at night? Hmmm, then you should still have some left." She quickly stated, "No, well, the doctor said I could take one or two extra. It's just that my mom died last week and I can't sleep and I'm really stressed." I explained once more that we needed a prescription from her doctor stating that she could take one to three tablets per night. She challenged, "If you don't believe me, call my doctor." So, I called her doctor. I told the nurse on the other end, "This patient said the doctor told her she could take an extra one or two tablets per night as needed for sleep, so we just need a new prescription from the doctor allowing for that." Almost before I could get that sentence out, Bobbi Jo started screaming at me, "LIAR!!! LIAR!!! I didn't say the doctor told me that. You shut up!" I quickly ended the conversation with the nurse who told me she would check with the doctor on that and call me back. I was confused, so I requested clarification from Bobbi Jo. Perhaps I hadn't heard her correctly, so I decided to REALLY listen to her corrected explanation. She said, "Look, I told you he didn't specifically say one or two extra, but he said I could take what I needed on the harder days because of my mom's death and everything." Oh, I was way off! So, I again gave her the good news that she should still have some Xanax left at home somewhere, I apologized profusely for misquoting her to the nurse, and I said I could call the doctor back and give them this "new" information. Bobbi Jo didn't like that idea either. She said, "Don't you call him again. You're a mean, mean person." Okay. "You have no right to call my doctor like that! What I talk about with my doctor is my own business." The conversation went on a little further, but I'm trying to keep this short, so I'll just skip to the end of this encounter when she yelled at me, "You're a mean, hateful person. I don't know why you can't just refill this so I can sleep. My mom died! I hope YOUR mom dies!" Then she stormed off.

Over two months later, Bobbi Jo returned to request a refill on her Lortab. That prescription was also too early to fill. I walked over to where my technician was helping her, and I figured that as soon as she saw me, she would give up the attempt. I was mistaken. I guess I just have one of those forgettable faces, because she turned to me with her sad, sunken little face and said, "Hi, I really need to get this refilled. I don't think it's too early, but I need it so much just for this week. My mom died this week (insert fake crying here), and I just am having so much back pain and I can't sleep and I'm crying all the time." How sad! She had two mothers, and both are now dead. So, I gave her the early refill...NOT!!!

Almost Stumped...Almost

I spoke to a girl at the consultation window today about her birth control. She started the conversation by saying, "Hi, I'm taking a birth control pill called Tri-Sprintec." Then she scrunched up her little nose and asked, "Do you know what that is?" I wanted to answer, "Tri-WHAT?!?! I've never heard of it. Sorry." Instead, I helped her with her birth control related problem in a sass-less manner.

Friday Night Purchases

This isn't really an interesting story or anything. It's merely an observation posting. I had the opportunity to run the register for a few minutes tonight right before closing, and I thought my last three customers' purchases were sorta funny. The first guy bought adult diapers and condoms. The second guy purchased a dozen roses, a single cold beer, and a whole case of beer. The last guy bought a bouquet of wilting sunflowers with a big 50% off discount sticker on it (which I hope he removes before presentation) and cheap perfume. Also, this last customer smelled strongly of cologne and got 100 bucks cash back. This all just gave me a little chuckle to end my day at the pharm.

Meat Me

A large, jiggly man rolled up on a motorized cart to the pharmacist consultation window and desperately wanted to know a few things about his gout flare-up. He asked me what he could do to relieve the pain, if he had any prescription refills for his gout medications, and what he could do to reduce the number of flare-ups. I covered a lot of information with the fellow, including the role meat plays in the epidemiology of gout. An hour or two later, lunchtime arrived. I decided to eat at McDonald's (which I do very rarely). Who was in the line ordering right in front of me? It was my dear gouty friend. I couldn't help but overhear what he was ordering --- a Big Mac with EXTRA MEAT! Then he hollered over to his seated female companion to ask her if she wanted extra meat too. Wow, I never thought about adding extra meat to one of those. It's a good thing he ordered before me so I could get some creative ideas about what I could order. Also, it was good to learn that the 10 precious minutes I spent helping this man with his critical situation was worth so much to him.