Another Top 10 List

Top ten things that tell your pharmacist you're a drug dealer:


1. You're here to fill your prescription for oxycodone 30mg and you and your girlfriend smell like marijuana, or you smell like marijuana covered by musk.  
2. You have gold teeth, and oodles of other gold items.  Ya know, bling. (Gold teeth aren't common in these parts, so they tend to stick out like gold teeth.)
3. When I tell you that I can't fill your oxycodone right now or not at all today, instead of crying that you are in a grip of pain, you do the following: look at your watch, complain you had to drive 2 hours out of your way, look at your watch again, make a few phone calls, and then leave.
4. You drop off the prescription, I see you waiting in your car or inside on our benches while we fill it, and someone else (not seated with you) comes in to pay for it. 
5. You're friendly --- I mean, REALLY friendly. You compliment my 2-day unwashed hair. You ask me if I've lost weight, when I've never seen you before. You say you're looking for a "personal banker" and ask who mine is. You tell me you're finding Jesus and want to start going to church every week and ask for a recommendation for a place to attend worship services. 
6. You complain about how much the price has gone up on your oxycodone, and then when it's time to pay, we see a massive wad of $100 bills come out.
7. You offer cheap bribes. For example, you ask if there's anything you can get me at McDonald's while I fill your prescription.
8. After you leave with your pills in hand, you drive to the other end of the parking lot in your deeply-tinted window car to meet up with another car for 10 seconds. Then you both speed off in opposite directions. Good one guys.
9. You and your roommate, and your roommate's sister, and your boyfriend, and your boyfriend's sister, and your best friend, and your other roommate all go to the same doctor out of state and are all on the same medication, oxycodone 30mg.
10. You aren't ever prescribed any medication other than oxycodone 30mg, and you're taking a boatload of it every month.